Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
