oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
