Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
