Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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