Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
