he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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