if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
