I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
