Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
