I hate all girls vehemently.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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