My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
