Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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