I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
