dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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