I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
