Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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