it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
