I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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