My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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