My cat gives me a boner
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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