I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
