i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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