i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
