Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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