Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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