I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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