her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
