Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
