I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
