I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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