Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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