at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
