You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
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