I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
