the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just puked most of my soul out..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
