dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
