I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
