mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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