I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
