My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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