It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
