my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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