Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
