70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
