I look better un-naked...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
