Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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