Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
