After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
