My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
