and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
