I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
