I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
