when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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